The Vampire Diaries is back! And it promises to be sexier, sultrier, and vampire-ier than ever before.
Previously, on The Vampire Diaries: Elena Gilbert (Nina Dobrev) the human girl and vampire brothers Stefan and Damon Salvatore were in a supernatural love triangle. Klaus – one of the original vampires – also had werewolf blood in him, and performed a ritual to break the curse, thereby reawakening his werewolf abilities, but killing Elena’s Aunt Jenna in the process. Damon was bitten by Tyler Lockwood – a werewolf – which is deadly to vampires. Even though she is also a vampire, Caroline hooked up with Tyler. Stefan (Paul Wesley) promised to be a killer for Klaus if Klaus would cure Damon.
The episode opens up on an old antebellum house in Tennessee. A girl is whistling for her dog on the porch. She’s probably going to die because she’s wearing a skanky top. All of a sudden this guy shows up asking to use her phone because his car broke down and his cell phone battery is dead. He promises he’s not a serial killer. This is indicator #2 that she’s going to die. She says okay and he asks if he can come in, and she says no she’ll bring the phone out. He hypnotizes her into inviting him into her house. The creepy southerner comes in and asks skanky top girl’s roommate if Ray Sutton lives there. I finally realize that it’s Klaus (Joseph Morgan), but with a creeper beard (did he have that last season?). The roommate tries to run away, but Stefan is waiting at the front door. She tells him where Ray is, and Klaus tells Stefan to kill both the girls.
Boom – Dramatic Vampire Diaries opening logo ahem*Lost*ahem
Now we’re in Elena’s room and she is lying in bed under a huge sketch of a horse. Elena is staring into space, being a neigh-gative Nelly (must be the horse pic). She gets up and looks out the window, and then goes to wake up her brother Jeremy (Steven R. McQueen). She calls Caroline Forbes (Candice Accola) and Caroline says she’s out and about shopping for the 18th birthday party that she’s planning for Elena. Caroline says her mom wants Elena to call her because there was a vampire attack in Memphis. Caroline sees Tyler (Michael Trevino) and hangs up.
Alaric (Matthew Davis) is in Elena’s house – he has been sleeping on the couch half the summer. Damon (Ian Somerhalder) is sitting in a bubble bath at his house and asks his reporter girlfriend Andie (Dawn Olivieri) to get him more champagne. She tells him to get it himself. He gets out of the tub naked…oh wow. He walks up on Elena who is now in his house with the info from Sheriff Forbes about Stefan. Elena wants to go check it out, but apparently Klaus thinks she’s dead, so Damon tells her to just leave it be.
Jeremy is talking to Bonnie (Kat Graham) on some kind of face time phone app while he unloads stuff at the bar. She’s talking about how boring it is staying with her dad’s family, when all of a sudden the lights start flickering at the bar. Jeremy hangs up and Vicki (Kayla Ewell), the formerly dead vampire, is there for a second and then disappears. Next Anna (Malese Jow), the formerly dead vampire, is there, but disappears when Matt (Zach Roerig) walks in the back. Matt wants Jeremy to switch sections with him because Caroline and Tyler sat in his. Caroline is talking to Tyler about how his mother has been giving her weird looks when Jeremy comes out. Caroline asks if Matt made him switch sections, and then tells Tyler that Matt thinks they’re dating. Tyler says his mother thinks so too. They’re both like oh yeah, that’s so crazy, heh heh, awkward.
We’re at the Southern Comfort bar and Ray walks in. Ray is played by David Gallagher, formerly of 7th Heaven, I feel like the CW world is going to implode on itself. Klaus approaches Ray and tells him about all the trouble they went through to find him. He tries to leave, but Klaus says his kind are hard to come by. Stefan has compelled everyone in the bar, so Ray has no help. Ray is a werewolf and Klaus wants to find his pack. He says no, so Stefan says they’re going to play a drinking game called “Truth or Wolfsbane.” Klaus promises Ray it will be fun.
Damon goes to check out the house in Tennessee with Alaric. Elena doesn’t know they’re there. It’s quiet at the house…too quiet. They go into the house and there’s blood everywhere. The now dead girls are sitting on the couch. Damon says it was definitely Stefan that did it because it’s his signature. Stefan’s called “the ripper” because he eats so hard that he blacks out and rips his victims apart, but then he feels remorse, so he puts them back together. Damon knocks one of the girl’s heads off. “Definitely Stefan.”
Caroline, Elena, and Tyler are at the Salvatore house getting ready for Elena’s birthday party. Elena says it seems like Damon doesn’t want to find Stefan. Tyler says he probably doesn’t because Elena kissed him while he was suffering from his werewolf bite. Elena said it was a goodbye kiss because she thought he was going to die. Tyler is going to go pick up “slutty Sophie” as his date for the party. He says he’s horny all the time – it’s a werewolf thing. Caroline says she’s horny all the time too – it’s a vampire thing. There’s a lingering gaze…
Back at the southern antebellum house, Damon is getting ready to burn that mofo down in order to cover up the evidence. Alaric finds a hidden trap door and there are a bunch of chains down there, such as you would use to chain up a werewolf. Meanwhile, Ray is chained to the wall next to a dart board. Stefan is dipping darts into the wolfsbane and is using Ray as the dart board. All of a sudden this girl walks up and tells Klaus she saw Damon and Alaric at the house. Stefan says he’ll go take care of it.
Elena is trying on her birthday dress, she tells Damon she won’t lose her cool, and he says it’s her party, she can cry if she wants to. It’s funny because he was alive when that song came out. Damon gives Elena her locket back. He puts it on her and it’s kind of awkward and sexual. So. Much. Sexual. Tension.
Yay, birthday party time. There are tons of people there and someone is doing a keg stand. Some broad is trying to take a bottle of old liquor, but Damon compels her to drink the cheap liquor. Jeremy is on the couch with a joint, and Matt sits down to smoke with him. Jeremy tells Matt “you know how I died and Bonnie brought me back to life?” (if I had a nickel for every time I’ve said that) “Since then I’ve been seeing things. Like things I shouldn’t be seeing.” And that’s why he’s smoking the wacky tobacky.
Matt walks up all stoned and gives Elena a hello kiss, and totally ignores Caroline. Alaric is there and Elena asks him to talk to Jeremy about his smoking. Alaric’s all like, crap Damon, I’m not a role model. Damon’s girlfriend calls him asking him to pick her up; she is the last person at the news station. Someone shows up and is shining a really bright light on her so she can’t see. Then the light turns off and she goes running towards the exit. She trips and falls, and the light turns back on. Suddenly Stefan is there, she says they’ve been looking everywhere for her. Stefan gets the crazy veiny-eyed vampire look.
Back at the party, things are getting cray cray. Tyler is dirty dancing with slutty Sophie, and Caroline is drinking some sort of booze (looks like Sailor Jerry’s) straight from the bottle. Matt comes up and is like, what up with Tyler? She’s like yo, we’re not together. And he says aren’t you guys supposed to be mortal enemies, way loud and then walks out. Tyler walks up with slutty Sophie, and Caroline compels her to leave. Then she walks away from Tyler too.
Damon says he has to go pick up his girlfriend. Elena goes upstairs and Caroline is hiding out in Damon’s room with a bag of blood. Caroline says Elena can’t leave the party until she has cake and blows out the candles and makes a wish. Elena asks if they all want her to move on, and Caroline says yeah, kind of. Elena says she just wants to know that Stefan is alive, and as she walks out she sees all of Damon’s research on trying to find Klaus.
Damon is at the news station trying to find Andie. He sees Stefan, and Stefan tells him to stop following him, but Damon says no. Stefan has Andie compelled to stand on top of a beam way up near the ceiling. He says maybe he’s not making his point; he then tells Andie to move and she falls to her death, Stefan stops Damon from saving her, then disappears.
Back at the party, Jeremy sees Matt walking around trying to find his truck. Jeremy tells Matt he shouldn’t be driving. He gets into his mini-cooper and Vicki is sitting in the passenger seat. She says “help me.” He turns on the car and Anna is standing in the headlights. Matt gets in the car and Jeremy says maybe they should just walk. Caroline is walking through the party and she’s pissed. Tyler’s like what’s up?, and then they start making out. Damon is back at the house and Elena is mad because he didn’t tell her he was tracking Klaus. She asks why he hasn’t told her he’s been tracking Klaus’ victims and he says they’re actually Stefan’s victims, and he’s a changed vampire and won’t be coming back in her lifetime.
Matt and Jeremy have the munchies. They’re eating ice cream and cereal at Jeremy and Elena’s house. Right before he leaves, Matt asks Jeremy why he said Vicki’s name. Jeremy confesses that he’s been seeing her. Matt’s like, yeah I think I see her all the time too, because I miss her so much. Matt looks hot this season. His hair is different and he looks a lot buffer. Rawr.
Back at the bar, Ray is dying on top of a pool table. He tells Klaus he already told him where the pack is, what more does he want. Klaus makes him drink his blood, and then kills him. Stefan comes back and he asks Klaus if he doubted he would come back. Klaus says he puts on a good front, but he knows Stefan still cares about his brother.
Back at home Alaric is packing to leave. He tells Elena he’s not a role model and he’s a bad influence. Elena’s dress is kind of ugly, it’s like white lace but short, but not form fitting so it puffs out weird. Alaric’s like, hey Elena you’re 18, you can handle things on your own.
Musical montage! CW loves having some hip on the verge artist playing while everyone has their own little scene to wrap up the episode. Caroline and Tyler are having hot sex at the Lockwood mansion. It’s all werewolfy and vampirey with super strength and fast moving and sexy sex. Damon angrily knocks shit over and breaks things at his house. Stefan leaves the bar. He’s sad. He looks at his cell phone like he’s going to call someone. Elena finds a birthday card on her bed. Stefan tries calling Elena, but it says Caller Unknown on the caller ID. She answers, and he doesn’t say anything but she knows it’s him. She says “Stefan, if this is you, it’ll be okay. I love you, hold on to that.” Stefan is crying and nodding into the phone, I’m kind of crying too, but on the inside.
Tyler is lying in bed asleep and Caroline quietly leaves. Tyler’s mother confronts her as she leaves. Caroline tries to grab her purse but it burns her hand, then Mrs. Lockwood shoots her with some darts.
Next time, on The Vampire Diaries: Klaus is trying to build an army of vampire/werewolf hybrid slaves. Damon, Elena, and Alaric go after Stefan.
